Thursday, August 13, 2009

city living

This blog is wonky and eclectic.

So I'm sitting at J's desk (don't tell him) next to an open window listening to the morning city sounds. Of course there's the car and truck traffic, kids walking by on the sidewalk, once in a while a hum-and-clatter of the train a few blocks away. Many birds. Neighbors' air conditioners (why do they never turn these off to check how lovely it is outside?) and the occasional dog prancing past. The steady beep of a truck backing up. The squeak of someone opening or closing a window (maybe having turned off the AC!). The clang of the courtyard gate. Neighbors dropping things (heard through the walls). A man sneezing in a nearby apartment. An awful alarm clock beginning to buzz.

And I'm just thinking, as I often stop to think, about how many lives are crammed into this tiny space, and how many stories. It boggles the mind. What sort of epic pomo novel weaves in and out of my own apartment building, and how do they relate? Is my choice of what to cook for dinner shaped by the lingering scent of some unnamed neighbor's lunch? And does my mood after that dinner influence how loudly I play my radio, either annoying or pleasing the family across the alley? And does the occasional eerie and beautiful synchronization whereby I leave my apartment halfway through a symphony on the classical station only to heard it continued behind another door -- does that happen just accidentally, or do we catch whiffs and glimpses, shaping each other even though we don't do more than nod and smile on the street, if that?

Another alarm clock. A grunt. A car horn. A jingle of keys.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Happy Camping! And Happy Anniversary!

While we were away in Minnesota last week with the Montana family, Josh and I celebrated our fifth anniversary. This is kind of a crazy realization -- five years of marriage. In that time, we've lived in four states and two countries, been students and teachers and worked various jobs, made fantastic friendships, and driven multiple times across the U.S. We've had family drama, work drama, who-am-I drama, illness and loss -- all of which we used to consider exceptional but are beginning to recognize as part of typical human experience.

When we were first married, we were very theoretical about it, very passionate about our values, what we thought marriage was, the necessary painful openness and honesty and best-friendness of it. We would have long conversations with friends about How Marriage Ought to Be. I think one of the things we've learned in five years is to be a little less dogmatic, a little less idealistic. Though we're probably not actually less idealistic now than we were then, not really. Our marriage teaches us to keep looking ahead with joy, because when you're sort of stuck with another rather fabulous person for an indefinite period of time, there's this mysterious ever-developing realm of possibility.

I suppose that's not the most romantic way of expressing how much I've loved being married to Josh for these five years. I have loved it. I have loved falling into routines with him, habits of morning tea and evening conversation, little jokes, deeply held yet still-secret hopes. And as I look into an honestly quite hazy future, I am delighted to discover who he will become, and who we will become together.
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Monday, August 3, 2009

obligation blogging

Yesterday I had a phone call from my baby brother, part of which went something like this:

"So, Cindy, I started following your blog."

"Oh, really? What do you think?"

"Well, once I started following it, you quit blogging."

"But I was away on vacation last week..."

"Anyway, you'd better start blogging again. And feel free to mention me."

So here you have it. Hi, Richie. Clean your room.

* * *

I am reading The Golden Notebook by Doris Lessing. It is long. I played grocery store hero shopper today and have enough cereal to last until Christmas, and it was basically free. I love free cereal. And ice cream in the freezer. And two pounds of blueberries waiting to be made into pie? Or muffins? Or something else? Any ideas?